Let’s face it. Before you decide to fire off your letter to me you’ve done your “research” about this picture perfect town of Smith Falls. You know Smith Falls is CORRECTLY spelled Smiths Falls AS opposed to the many erroneous posts where I spell Smith. You also have to appreciate that the letter “s” on my computer fell off. Really. I’m never wrong. Wait, there was ONCE a time I was wrong, oh, but I was wrong about that. How can the S be missing you ask? Well, er, I don’t mean all Ss were missing, just the small keyboard letter of “s”. Anyway, you have done your research on Smiths Falls and really know how beautiful and desirable it is to lead a life of leisure here, don’t you? No doubt you’ve even spent hours and hours pouring over those Wahl Mart of intelligence search engines of the likes of Google. Right?

 

Well let me tell you a thing or two about how easy it is to stumble upon misleading information on this damn thing called the net, huh. I happen to believe in a quote I read on one site which was by a certain former American President, Abraham Lincoln, who put it this way: “NEVER believe anything you read on the net.”

 

Let’s take for example the idea that this is a rough tough working class place. Really? Then let me peel the onion even further and ask: Do you really think the sword or the gun for that matter, is mightier than the pen here in Smiths Falls. ? As it seems to be in Toronto.

 

Think again. I learned the hard way just the other day.

 

I had an encounter with one of the most feared and respected enforcers of Smiths Falls, the man who brings fear to anyone who drives in downtown streets, the man who is sometimes known as the “Parking Police” aka the Green Hornet.

 

You know the type. You have met him elsewhere and this is not a good thing. No sir. Better to carry plenty of change on any occasion when you drive into town. Better to scout out every frinkin parking meter like you’re life depends on it.

 

Or be prepared for a meltdown, the sort you might find on a John Wayne western movie where the two men end up on a street in a good old fashion gun fight. .

 

Well, there I was, loading into my car a few boxes of groceries, right here at the central supermarket. I was there but for sixty seconds. Who did I chance to see out of the corner of my eye?

 

I couldn’t believe it. There he was standing proud learning over so close you wanted to slap him.

I mean, what is a ranting blogger to do, under the intense life threatening pressure of loading up his car in front of the doors of the biggest supermarket in town, albeit stationed in a no parking zone.

 

He had a certain smirk on his face, the kind of look of elation that you might find on Bobby Ore’s face when he scored that historical game -winning goal against the Russians. Ladies and Gentleman, Parking Cop has scored one over Stephen Overbury and now, with the vast parking ticket penalties and ensuing collected fines that are about to come our way, Smiths Falls will no longer have any financial woes. Ya man.

 

I got out of the car, and walked over in his direction. He started to pace at me. I was sure he was about to sucker punch me. Oh my. I wasn’t even wearing my mouth guard this time. Maybe he had a gun? Yes, I’m certain, he was reaching for a weapon.

 

He swung his right hand around, as if he was about to draw his gun out of the holster, then yanked a sporting Bic pen out of his trousers, flipped open his ticket book, and glared at me.

 

“You want one of these?” he asked in a sarcastic and threatening voice.

 

“No sir. Please, anything but that” I was just about to hand you this five dollar bill I thought you had dropped.”

 

“Oh trying to bribe an officer, are you”

 

 

“No, I honestly thought it was yours.”

 

The battle of the titans was won over a PEN, not a punch, not a gun. I would never park there again.

 

So you see, the pen here in Smiths Falls is mightier than the sword.


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